When Insults Had Class

WHEN INSULTS HAD CLASS
*He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.*
-- Winston Churchill

*I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.*
-- Clarence Darrow

*He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.*
-- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) [Says Jane, This insult comes from an author who needed a page to complete a sentence.]

*I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.*
-- Groucho Marx

*I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.*
-- Mark Twain

*He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.*
-- Oscar Wilde

*I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend...if you have one.*
-- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

*Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second, if there is one.*
-- Winston Churchill's response

*I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here.*
-- Stephen Bishop

*He is a self-made man and worships his creator.*
-- John Bright

*I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.*
-- Irvin S. Cobb

*He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.*
-- Samuel Johnson

*He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.*
-- Paul Keating

*He had delusions of adequacy.*
-- Walter Kerr

*Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?*
-- Mark Twain

*His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.*
-- Mae West

*Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!*
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill at a dinner party

*Madam, if I were your husband, I would drink it!*
-- Winston Churchill, in response

*Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.*