Friday, February 22, 2008

Liberal Manifesto

Liberal Manifesto

Liberals believe in clean air, diplomacy, stem cells, living wages, body armor for our troops,
government accountability, and that exercising the right to dissent is the highest form of

Liberals believe in reading actual books, going to war as a last resort, separating church and
hate, and doing what Jesus would actually do, instead of lobbying for upper-class tax cuts and
fantasizing about the apocalypse.

Liberals believe in civil rights, the right to privacy, and that evolution and global warming
arent just theories but incontrovertible scientific facts.

Liberals believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment that (1) prohibits another Bush
from ever occupying the White House, and (2) prevents George W. Bush from ever becoming
baseball commissioner before he does to our national pastime what he did for America.

Liberals believe in rescuing people from flooded streets and rooftops, even if theyre too poor
to vote Republican.

Liberals believe that supporting our troops means treating our wounded vets like the heroes
they are, and not leaving them to languish in rat-infested military hospitals under the
outsourced management of incompetent cronies who think theyre running a Taco Bell franchise.

Liberals believe in pheromones, sex ed, solar panels, voting paper trails, the common good,
and that, no matter how fascinating a story it may be, a president should never sit around in
a state of total paralysis reading "My Pet Goat" while America is under attack.

And above all, liberals believe that its time to come together as a country and put a
collective boot in the ass of shameless conservative fearmongers, hate merchants, and
scapegoaters who are sucking the freedom out of all our souls.

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