Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Homebuying: Prison Rape

Is Homebuying Like Prison Rape?
Sun, 10 Jun 2012, 5:56pm

I can't find a more appropriate analogy.

The entire market is controlled by bug-eyed, cackling psychopaths who derive monstrous pleasure from torturing and extorting their victims, directly and through horrific inflation of market valuations which everyone pays for and by which they make new gains in their satanic enterprise.

A young family is greeted by a commission-fueled psychopath who lies to them that the place has 100 offers and in 15 minutes they'll be priced out of the market forever and the kids will grow up homeless and one spouse or another will likely - though righteously - suicide when it becomes clear they passed up their only chance for a normal life.

Then, thus terrorized, they're shoved in front of the Realtor®'s friend in the mortgage business, the psychopathic mortgage broker who announces that the family, although holding 20 percent for a downpayment, only qualifies for a subprime exploding ARM that will max out whatever fees the mortgage broker hopes to get on the deal. This freak twists the knife by making vague threats that if they turn down his generous offer, he will report that they were turned down for the note and fuck their credit forever.

The cell phone rings.

It's the Realtor®. There are 70 other offers that just came in on the house, all over yours but the seller "really likes you people - and, hey, I do, too and we want you to get the house. Can you match the top offer. It's only $37,000 more. My mortgage guy can help you out. Of course, for this extraordinary service, I would need some compensation. It's traditional, you know."

The exploding ARM detonates and the couple are hung with a 12 percent note. The market tanks. The mortgage broker has disappeared and the Realtor® appears in the papers, convicted of fraud and extortion amounting to $120 million for which he will serve 3 months in jail. The husband overhears the Realtor® in a bar bragging about retiring to Cyprus where he has a villa with a staff and six Russian mail order brides. Bouncers stop him from plunging the jagged edge of a broken bottle into his throat. Most of the crowd cheers him on but a gun shot from the publican puts down the riot.

No one will refinance the couple. The house was grossly overpriced to begin with. The phone rings. It's a mortgage banker at one of the banks that turned them down. A friend has a short-sale consultancy that could get them out from under. A few bucks up front - but it could save your life - and we can set you up in a new place. Desperate, despairing, they sign some papers and move into a rental home that had no utilities working. They use their cells and finally the owners get the electricity turned on but the gas company refuses to return their calls.

They wait for the call about the disposition of the short sale but it never comes and they can't get the consultant on the phone. A friend calls and tells them their old house has been sold. It's in the notices in the newspaper.

The door flies open. It's the local sheriff evicting them. The house was foreclosed a year before and they're trespassing. They tell their story and the sheriff roars laughing. You're the fifth couple this week he had to tell that they'd been paying rent on a foreclosure to a scamming Realtor®.

Sheriff throws them into the street and the family is forced to sleep in their car behind the Piggly Wiggly and the children adjust admirably to eating from the same dumpster they have to defecate into.

The couple shows their copies of the paperwork to a legal aid services attorney. Every transaction they've completed has been fraudulent. Every professional committed egregious crimes.

The husband buys a hunting rifle and vows revenge. The wife can't get through to him and takes the kids and the car and sets off to her mother's house. A month later, the husband dies in a SWAT raid on the home of the original Realtor® who he managed to behead with a fireplace shovel.

In a dramatic exit strategy, he grabbed the decapitated body and used it as a shield in a dash to his car. SWAT snipers shredded him just steps from his car. The wife watched it all on TV with her mother, weeping, 'Mommy, all we wanted to do was have our own home for the kids.'

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